Today…

Looking at this picture you are probably thinking that this post is going to be all about vacations or relaxing moments. Don’t I wish. But that, my dears, is definitely not the case.

In fact, I selected this picture from my personal stash simply because I needed a little bit of a pick-me-up. Today started out as a rather unsuspecting, unassuming, chill day. My work day was progressing nicely, I was making progress on some key items, and for all intents and purposes everything seemed to be on track.

And then out of the blue something akin to anxiety started to rear its head like a tornado that is bent on its purpose and really could not care any less about how anyone feels about its presence. I was working on a project and then slowly found myself becoming more and more frustrated by the moment – not at any particular person, but rather at what appeared to me to be glaring issues with the project that seemed to be causing a tool that was intended to be helpful in the the long run to show itself to be quite the opposite.

I began to feel that sensation of heat rise up my neck, the tensing and tightening of my shoulder and neck muscles, that feeling of uneasiness in my chest, and an unnerving sensation of lightheadedness that was threatening to overtake me.

And the worst thing about it was that my body was doing all of this on its own, without any conscious direction from me, no matter how much I was willing it to do the opposite. And the first thing that I could think of was how much it felt like I needed to go run outside and get some fresh air.

Though this is still a rather new experience for me, considering that up until about two and a half years ago I had not experienced anything even remotely like this (not even during law school), I have been around this block enough times to know that this was a combination of stress and an anxiety attack.

At this point, I still don’t know for sure what the full triggers are behind these attacks, but I do know that they are not fun, they take a while to recover from, and they have a habit of being terribly inconvenient.

And though I know that people who experience these types of attacks are each unique and experience them in different ways, some more challenging than others, one thing that seems to help universally is to give it a voice. That is what I am choosing to do today.

And to anyone else who is dealing with this type of condition, or knows someone who is, I just want you to know that you are not alone. And as much as I would love to experience the relief offered by the scene in the photo above right now, I refuse to let stress and anxiety, nor anything else that may try to have a negative effect on me, win. I will live my life and I will live it well. One breath. One decision. One moment. And most importantly, one prayer at a time. Be blessed #sanguinemango